What One Withholds

Scripture: By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. “This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late. Send the people away so that they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.” But he answered, “You give them something to eat.” They said to him, “That would take more than half a year’s wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?” “How many loaves do you have?” he asked. “Go and see.” When they found out, they said, “Five—and two fish.” Mark 6:35-38

Observation: Here is something I never noticed before about the story of the feeding of the 5,000: The disciples aren't worried about where THEY will get food, late in this remote place. In other words ... they had their OWN food, and what they were really worried about was potentially being asked to share it or at best rudely and guiltily eating it in front of others.

And Jesus was therefore telling them to share, with the ensuing conversation really being about the disciples wishing to take care of their own money/supplies.

In fact, in John's telling of this, the five loaves and two fish belong to a young boy. And even that doesn't sound like a good dinner for 13 grown men. It is possible, then, that even this inventory of what the disciples have available excludes "their" reserves.

Application: Even when I know that God has given me everything, there is a temptation to say "and since you gave this to me, you must not mean you want this when you ask me to give what I have to you."

What is my "this"? What is the item I would be inclined to withhold from God if he ever asks "give me your all"? Is it my family? My house? My retirement accounts? My life?

In reflecting just now, I find the things I am thinking of are those things that would affect not me, but my wife and children. My retirement and house exist not so much for me, but for their future support and stability. In fact, I would more readily give my life than my pension, I believe.

Prayer: Lord, I do not know what today's lesson means for me. Is this for me to dwell upon, or is there an action required? Is the lesson that I need to trust in you for the provision of my children's futures? Please lead me by your spirit to understanding this today. Amen.