Upon Not Knowing Myself

Scripture: Don’t we have the right to food and drink? Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas? 1 Corinthians 9:4-5

Observation: Paul is addressing some complaint from the church at Corinth, apparently about how they may have needed to fund him while he was there or are refusing to send offerings (I don't know the context). In addressing this, Paul outlines complaints against he and Barnabas related to a right to wages, food and drink shared with them, or even extending those things to wives who may travel with them. In this, Paul invokes a unique argument, comparing himself to what other apostles receive, including ... James, Jude, and Peter.

As a believer, Paul defines his peer group. He is an apostle, and he is of a rank equivalent to well known leaders. He then relates his behavior and circumstance to that context, and points out that his expectations and behaviors are at the very least consistent with his peers. That he placed himself in same group with the very leaders of the worldwide church is interesting, but in retrospect accurate. This reveals Paul's understanding of himself and of others.

Application: I probably lack a good understanding of myself in almost any context. I don't know who my peers are, and I wouldn't know how that really relates to behavior, performance, or any other action. I certainly know I'm not at or near the top of any group of leaders.

I have spent the last few days thinking about my "passion" ... and failing to come up with anything. I don't know anything about myself. I don't know what I like to do, what I am good at, or whom I may be equivalent to in order to even identify a reference model. I am unknown to others because I am unknown to even myself. How can I be an authentic friend to others when I have no idea what my authenticity would even look like?

Prayer: Lord, I find today that I ask for your guidance because I have no idea where I am going. I probably don't even know who I am or where I currently stand in life. So again, please guide me this day and every day. May I somehow grow and serve within your will for my life, even if I don't understand my life. Amen.