Desperate for Enjoyment

Scripture: This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them - for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil - this is a gift of God. They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

Observation: The teacher has many observations about pursuing advancement and riches. He describes many of these activities as evil, meaningless, or both. However, this is what he considers good ... when a person is content in the meaningless activities they have in life. It is a gift from God for a person not when they receive riches, food and drink, or work, but rather when they can enjoy these things in their lives.

The teacher has seen people who aggressively pursue all the good things in life - and successfully get them - and then fail to enjoy them. He calls this a meaningless existence. He has also seen that, no matter how much people acquire, they will die exactly as they were born, with nothing to go with them. He calls the pursuit of material wealth a grievous evil. He even sees advancement as nearly random, and thus the pursuit of advancement is a meaningless chasing after the wind.

But again, what is good? It is the enjoyment of life. And the ability to enjoy the things of life, including one's toilsome labor, is the gift of God.

Application: I realized last week that I am not enjoying life. I struggle to even enjoy vacation, let along work. I have very little peace in anything I do, even when I am doing things that are explicitly peaceful. I can't relax when doing literally nothing.

And I don't know why this is. Certainly this is evil attempting to undermine God in my life - blocking God's gift of peace in my life - and I am struggling to even acknowledge that, let alone addressing it. Even now I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to clear my mind from ... anger, anxiety, frustration, fear, sadness.

I am so tired of chasing after the meaningless wind.

Prayer: Lord, I spend all my time reflecting on the days of my life. Please, dear Lord, correct my mind and keep me occupied with gladness of heart. Change my heart and mind to focus on your peace and joy, and not on the meaningless things of this world. I wish to be happy even in my toil, and I know that can only be found through you. Please, Lord, please help me in this. Amen, and amen.