Feeling All the Feels

Scripture: He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." 1 Kings 19:14

Observation: Twice the Lord asks Elijah what he is doing at Mount Horeb, and twice Elijah provides the exact same answer. In between, the Lord presents some truth to Elijah, in the form of power and presence. The Lord exhibits mighty wind, destructive fire, and a great earthquake, yet he is "not in" those things. Instead, the Lord is the gentle, kind, safe whisper that comes after the terrors.

Elijah answer the question the same both before and after this lesson might indicate he didn't understand. On the other hand, it might simply indicate that this, indeed, why he is where he is. It isn't that it was wrong to be here - God even fed him in order to make the journey here - but that the 'here' of his state of mind is distressed. Elijah has completely fled Israel in both fear and frustration. Even if he learns the lesson of fear ... that God is powerful enough to deal with any situation yet loves Elijah tenderly, and thus he need not fear ... he is still frustrated with the fact that Israel has turned its back on the Lord.

God will, of course, provide Elijah with new instructions, which include a path forward for the future, information that indicates there is still hope as some people have not turned away, and even insight into the punishment that he is preparing for those who have. God addressed Elijah's fear with his might and his love, and then addressed his frustration with his plan and demonstrated control.

Application: When I have been afraid for my future, I find that the emotion of fear is never an isolated emotion. Every time, I am also ... angry, frustrated, confused, disappointed, and/or saddened.

I have always seen myself in Elijah in this passage. I do not have Elijah's faith - not by a long shot - but I have his emotions. I picture him yelling at God when first asked why he is there. It's one of those "Were you not just paying attention!?" responses. He's done all he can, performed the most amazing miracles, all in God's name and following God's direct instructions, and as a result nothing has improved except he's not being hunted by the queen. However, when he responds the second time, he is just ... exhausted. Nothing has really changed, but he now understands he cannot direct any of his emotions at the Lord, so instead he is simply laying open his soul. He has done what God asked, and if that didn't work in leading the people to repentance then he just wants to give up.

I have thought long and hard about giving up. There are so many things in this life that just seem so pointless. There is service and work provided by God that doesn't produce any results. There is daily living that is simply tiring. There are threats to personal security that have no reason and cause fear and depression.

In these, I understand the Lord is in control. He could fight back, but instead he is likely to simply give me the next set of tasks, which may or may not meet with better success than the past. My responsibility is to do it. I can express my emotions to the Lord ... he might even want to hear them, since he asked Elijah twice ... but in the end the response that will matter is simply to act in love toward others.

Prayer: Lord, I do have the emotions of Elijah, especially with all the bad ways those manifest. May I also always have the heart to serve you and your created. I set aside desires for your mighty response to the evil of this world, and instead I seek your whispered instructions. Amen.