Scripture: So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don’t live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants. Ephesians 5:15-17
Observation: Paul says to the church in Ephesus that, while they once walked in darkness, they now walk in a new understanding of life in Christ. He concludes this line of thinking with these instructions ... that since these are desperate, evil times, they need to all live with intention. They should not live without thinking, but should make sure they understand what the Lord wants, and live into that mission.
Again, this is a lesson that says very clearly, live a life of intentionality. Draw close to the Lord, understand his purposes and his and his path, and then carefully and thoughtfully do that. Watch your step (stay on God's path) and use your head (learn about God's ways). Don't be deceived by the wickedness of these current times (other translations say 'these days are evil').
In all these things, the teaching is clear and it is good. Believers are to very intentionally discover God's plan and will for our lives, and then follow it.
Application: In all the ways I have failed in life - and that list of failure is both long and varied - this has been my worst mistake ... I am a 57 year old man who has absolutely no idea what God has ever wanted me to do in life. Professionally, I have spent my adult life wandering without any plan, and most of that locked into a career the Lord then seemingly cut off. Personally, I have only just been a father and husband who has tried to do well and provide, but certainly performed average at best. I have no personal fulfillment, and I doubt anyone would say I have fulfilled or blessed them in anything more than a worldly, superficial way.
I have not watched my step. I have used my head with my logic and not the Lord's. I absolutely have never made the most of any chance. I recognized the evil, desperate times, and merely wander through them. If I extended that metaphor, I would say I wander on a muddy trail full of potholes and roots, boasting of how I have at least stayed on the trail without falling or breaking my leg, while the Lord is waiting for me to join him on the paved walkway and walk alongside him with ease, in a completely different direction.
As a result of my mistakes in this specific area, I have spent 35 years without any joy or sense of accomplishment in my "professional life" that occupies 8 hours a day. Furthermore, I have repeatedly been scorned, insulted, besmirched, shamed, and discriminated against within that same area of life, sometimes with significant public and long-lasting negative outcomes. It has worn me down to a point I cannot express to anyone. Almost every day I have a conscious thought that I am broken beyond repair, and I await some final professional insult that will end any path I could have moving forward in any direction, where I can be permanently labeled a failure by absolutely everyone. In my mind, this isn't even a possible outcome that might happen, but rather a certainty that just hasn't arrived yet.
And I can't tell anyone about the pain and fear and hurt I feel. My inability to discuss this creates an area of isolation between myself and my wife because I do not feel I can even talk about it to her ... and after spending all day in darkness and then not having anything worthwhile to say about my day, it only means she knows she is being left out of some part of my life. I don't know how to fix that.
Yes, I have spent most of my life without intention. The Lord has blessed me so richly, but his greatest blessing has been to somehow get me to a place in life where I have a wonderful family and relative comfort, despite my total lostness.
That said, I am sincerely afraid of every next step. Even how the Lord may direct me into future success is fearful because I don't understand how to move from this muddy path to his walkway. I am broken in ways no one knows ... except Yahweh.
Prayer: Lord, Abba, my true father in heaven, I need you. I have no way forward, no way back. I am afraid. I am hurting. I am lost. I want to intentionally follow you and your ways only for the rest of the days of my life, but I truly don't know how to get there from here. Please help. Amen.